seeking future ?

Assalamualaikum and waddup people 

so recently i went to this interview in accounting . mmg ramai org yg pelik sbb aku mmg since forever pure science slave kan . ok act dulu ni ummi aku pnye idea la . konon bnyk job opportunities la bla bla bla . so aku terpaksa lah apply kan . tut tut dpt iv UM pulak tu . takkan nak tolak kan . so dgn motto hidup "grab every chances" aku yg act baru cipta harini , aku pun pergi la . i mean , why not kan ? give a shot of attempt . dan disebabkan itu aku pun terpaksa lah stuudyyy and believe me mmg tak pernah ikhlas pun . sbbkan aku ingt aku ada ujian penilaian sekali and bcause ive no basic in acc , aku ni pun hah search high and low buku acc baik bm mahupun bi . buat research kat internet bagai , baca "accouting for dummies" . until then i found out tht my course ni tak require acceptance test tu pung . tp nasi sudah menjadi bubur , and then it turned out , i fell in love with accounting . *cium2 buku accounting* 

tapi act before aku fell in love in accounting ni aku ada lagi satu cita2 . because ive been having this interest sejak aku masih anak kecil toddler gitu kan . i want to be a vet ! and smpai skrg pun mcm selalu rasa mcm if tak amik vet confirm regret sbb aku nak sngt jmpe bnyk2 haiwan peluk2 cium2 . kehkeh . ingt kalau dpt jadi vet nak try pergi volunteer dkt china jaga panda ke apa . and of course this is like a once in a lifetime chance ! so aku nak sangat sangat sangat sangat sangat jadi vet pleaaaseee !

inspired by this woman named katherine connor yg jual rumah , kerja and all her life at london for elephants . terbaca kat reader's digest . mihmih .  here she is .

tengok ni tengok how could someone not fall in love with pandaaaass ! arent they adorable ?

Heart melted ? really ?

Assalamualaikum and hye 

manusia ni dah lumrah kan hidup mesti nak bercinta . i love u sana , i love u sini . ade jgk kdg2 yg aku tengok  post2 kat FB yg sngt berhiperbola , terlantun bola tu hah smpai eiffel tower kan *k hambar*. contohnya mcmni la  

"baby i miss u , sehari tak jmpe i rasa gelisah . a day without u is like a year without rain . i love u forever capital Z !"

atau 

"harini my hubby tak call pun . i miss u so so so so so damn much baby ! no other !"

kay aku rasa mesti korang pernah jmpe kan status atau tweet mcmni kan . aku ni bukan ape . tapi 1st aku geli ah . dah la panggil hubby , capital z bagai . lpas tu asyik ubah status married dgn mamat2 mana tah . kalau kekal till jannah takpe la jgk kan . msaalahnye sebulan je . lpas tu break kapel lain , lpas tu keluar lagi status dekat boyfie baru

"love u forever biyyy"

status married balik . dan berlakulah fenomena ini 3 - 4 kali setahun . eh kau ni berape kali kawin? berapa kali jadi janda? please la . kalau buat in a relationship tu aku boleh terima la jugak . 

anyways lets get to the point , dalam novels ke , drama korea ke , yg love story , first perempuan tu atau lelaki tu rasa mcm suka kat org tu sbb kononnye jantung berdegup kencang gitu kan . hahahaha . i dont knw tapi kdg2 mcm tak logik gak . i mean , aku pun of course la ade crush kan dulu dulu . tapi takde la pulak aku berdegup kencang rasa nak pecah jantung masa ade dekat2 dgn die ke ape . act pernah la skali goosebumps mase terserempak dgn satu mamat ni aku panggil die eduardo sbb muke die mcm edward cullen . mase tu perut aku mcm sakit pelik bak kata omputih , butterflies in stomach . tapi tu bkn butterflies tu aku rasa mcm dragons dah tu . tapi aku tak la rasa aku suke die kan . cume sbb mmg die handsome hot hot mexico . of course la nervous kan . and of course kdg2 aku rasa cuak gak kalau ade llaki call aku kan . tapi kalau semue aku cuak , takkan la aku suke semue llaki kan ?

yeah tapi aku taktau la if goosebumps yg jantung nak pecah tu really exist maybe sbb aku tak pernah rasa lagi . and kadang2 aku rasa some people saje buat statement mcmtu nak tunjuk kononnya mmg suka gila gila he's the one la , she's the one la,  whatever la kan . yeah but to me , im kind of a realistic person so aku mcm tak berapa rasa its a feeling tht shows we are in love with tht person . mcmmne kalau kite cuak dekat org yg same gender di saat2 awkward ? haaaaaaaaah ayook taktayok ,, i sense GAYyyeeeyy .

so itulah cerite goosebumps aku ...

bye and assalamualaikum 

These people

Assalamualaikum and hye everybody,

korang mesti pernah experience kan, bila org yg lebih dari korang tapi taknak mengaku . okay nnt aku terangkan . 

situasi 1

A : eh eh , result kau mase SPM dulu mcmmne ? mesti gempak kan . *A dpt 7A dlm spm
B : eh taklah . tak bnyk pun , 10A jeee .
A (dalam hati) : mmg kau sebenarnye amik 20 subjects kan ?

situasi 2

B : A awk dpt berapa maths ? 
A : tak tinggi pun . 70 je . 
B : okaylaaah tu !!!
A : sedih la ramai markah tinggi . awk dpt berapa ? 
B : 98 je . sbb terlupe nak letak negative sign kat soalan last . *buat muke sedih 
A (dalam hati) : mmg . lain kali kau pergi ckp kat menteri pelajaran letak gred D utk markah tinggi2

situasi 3

A : *sedih* alaaaa duit biasiswa tinggal 200 je nak survive 3 bulan 
B : untunglah dah guna duit biasiswaaaa *duit biasiswa B tak guna lagi plus mak bapak tambah*
A (dalam hati) : lain kali kalau aku mati dulu ckp la "untunglah mati dulu" boleh ?

situasi 4 

A : eee kurus gila kau , B ! *B keding mcm papan keping*
B : mane adeeee . gemuuuk laa . rasa mcm nak diet je . 
A (dalam hati) : meh aku lenyet kau dgn lori baru kau tau kurus tu mcmmne 

yeah , itu adlh some examples yg aku pernah lalui . *biasiswa tu takla* . well , these people exist ! and im living with them *PORQUEEE ?!!!*. bile baca mmg obviously aku A . guys please la aku beg . kalau dah badan tu beruntung , jgnla buat yg kurang beruntung ni rasa lagi teruk . of course i know tht some of u guys cube nak cheer up people yg mcm aku ni kan and i appreciate tht . tapi ini tak proper . not for me . okay ? so guys ....

farewell and assalamualaikum 

my major dilemma

hye assalamualaikum,

have u ever felt jealous with people around u ? close friends ? atau ,,,,,,,adik beradiiiiik ? *baca dengan nada suspen* JENG JENG JENG ...

typicalnya aku ni , di mana rasanya very obvious , aku mcm ada la rasa sedikit kebelakang *bnyk sebenarnye*drpd kakak aku . nak ckp jealous tu dulu laaa . now bila aku mcm dah matang i tried to install the word jealous differently dlm otak . something more positive . like , rasa tercabar or something . nak sahut cabaran tu mcm mmg impian setinggi langit la kan . because secara rawaknya ( ape maksud rawak ? suke hati aku je ) kakak aku mmg always , u know , everything yg syok2 mesti on her side la . education , property , physical appearance and sometimes , yah , mental maturity and semue sifat2 natural tu la . *btw she's very creative

u know , that feeling , bile org mula menyuarakan atau mempersoalkan perbezaan kitorang . aku rase offended , inferior and kadang2 itulah yg menyebabkan aku mempunyai low self-esteem *ye ke?* dan rasa sedih just by having thoughts , "kaknini lagi pandai , belajar medic" "kaknini sentiasa berduit , even mase die ckp takde" or "apehal kaknini ni sentiasa terserempak dgn baju2 on sale ?" haha k yg last tu gebang sikit . because i was always in this state ataupun conversation that require perbandingan kakak-adik ni . and yes, aku mmg jenis yg sngt kisah ttg ape yg org ckp ttg aku . 

trust me u would find loads of things she had that i dont . tapiiiiii tapi tapi tapi , it is very sinful for me to weep over my fate kan . so even bila aku masuk bilik die , bukak closet die ke , bukak purse die ke , somehow motivate aku , supaya bersyukur because i know that , se-tak-bersyukur aku pun dgn ape yg aku ada ni , ade lagi org yg lagi teruk yg mendambakan kehidupan mcm aku . 

so guys, walaupun entry aku ni takla bermotivasi pun , tapi at least u should know , that , org mcm aku ni masih wujud lagi and im trying to fight my negative thoughts yg akn eventually menyebabkan aku sediiih akn perkara yg tak boleh diubah . i  cant change my fate , so by hook or crook i have to live with it .

but since she has everything n i have some ( i wont say nothing ) , if i lose her , i'd probably lose my everything 

assalamualaikum and farewell 

Medic ? No longer qualified

wow . aku sendiri terlupe yg aku mmg obses nak masuk aucms proceed medic dulu until aku bace balik post2 aku yg lama kan . haha , act bile dah belajar kat asasi ni , aku rasa peluang nak amik medic tu tipis sngt lagi nipis dari lapisan ozon ah ( hambar ) . lagipun aku mcm dah lost interest dekat medic ( atau putus asa aku pun taktau la ) . 

act aku rasa aku gila2 nak amik medic dulu sbb kakak aku medic . honestly aku rasa inferior dan malu bila kaum keluarga mula menanyakan soalan2 berkaitan career ini . since family aku kebanyakannya mmg doctors , and kakak aku pun bakal doctor , semue org pun mcm tak habis2 nak menyanjung2 tinggi career ini , aku selalu ditanyakan " na amik medic kan ? " atau " yelaaa , na kan bakal dr " . sepenatnye aku nak jawab " eh mane ade " . penat lagi aku nak jwb bila diorang akn tnye " eh kenape ? " yelaaaaa . CGPA i ni , tinggi la sngt mencakar langit kan . sem 1 3.63 je . tapi alhamdulillah , semakin aku sedar yg matlamat hidup ni bkn dr , and aku sedar yg , i deserve to be happy in whatever career  i venture into , and aku takut Allah marah kalau aku selalu mempersoalkan bende2 mcm ni .  so aku decide utk campak jauh2 ke negara china impian aku tu . sbb once aku sedar , impian aku bkn untuk jadi dr tapi sebenarnye utk melepaskan diri aku drpd rasa rendah oleh masyarakat2 ini . ( padahal ade je cita2 nak jadi dr ) 

ah , nak ke tak , i have to live with what i earn . kalau dah tak layak tu its okay , aku sure Allah dah tetapkan something yg baik utk aku .

farewell and assalamualaikum

i dont know how to blog

ceh , ckp mcm ni first entry kan . haaaa . act aku mmg tak reti bende2 blogging ni . kalau ade entry tu maksudnye semangat gila ah time tu . ni pun sbb cuti so sngt bosan aku ingt aku nak tulis something la kan , so rase mcm writer novel mcm tu kan . haha anyways i dont know if im gonna be active updating blog since cuti akn berlanjutan smpai bulan 9 and kerja pun takdaaa . takpe kite tengok jela nnt 

farewell and assalamualaikum

the truth underneath whats witnessed

to be honest , life's been quite hectic these days . the fact that im still trying to fit myself in this new chapter of my life makes me kinda want to throw up . what the fish bdak2 semue pndai2 . i've been sleeping late like 3 days in a row . and gonna have to sleep late again today to work on my assignments otherwise i'll be the dumb-girl-in-the-class again . 
fate oppose my dream when im agaaain , rejected by mara to proceed my studies in medic . sincerely , im kinda lost in this world of surprise . future is unpredictable . future is frightening . thinking my friends left me behind , when im trying to lift my heavy hope in a condition where i couldnt vomit as much effort as i can . too much to think of that i couldnt reach the conscience as a student . 
dont tell me to be strong cause i've tried and still trying . give me some time alone . alone for me to regret my doings . alone to summon my spirit back to when i was strong back then . alone to think about what i should do to face whatever obstacle Allah gave me . and to find the answer Allah trying to tell me .

farewell and assalamualaikum